Before you hand over your credit card at a wedding venue, make sure you’ve thought about more than the colour of the curtains.
Size: “Oh honey, I don’t mind if it’s not that big”. Whether she’s talking about the (ethical and eco-friendly) diamond or the wedding, she was probably talking rubbish. In a girl’s world, bigger is mostly better, even if she loves you too much to tell you. Regardless of what she says, your venue will need to have room for at least 37 cousins you’d forgotten about, 7 aunts you’ve never seen before and a smattering of friends. You don’t want people sitting on top of the band’s drum kit and dancing on their foldback speakers.
Cost: Money spent on weddings is real money, unless you’re the bride and groom. For you it’s a bit like monopoly money: “While it might take us several thousand trips past ‘go’ to afford Regent Street and Park Lane, we must get them, because it’s once in a lifetime. Oh, and honey, wouldn’t you just love Mayfair as well?”. If your measuring the cost of your venue’s drinks and food package in around the world flights, you might want to keep looking.
Opening Hours: Definitely do not consult your accountant before considering wedding purchases, the long faced, straight laced bloke on the other end of the phone will tell you to consider investing in a reliable trust rather than 200 white roses and an oversized chocolate fountain. It obviously goes without saying that you’ve got to allocate your (elastic) wedding ‘budget’ wisely, and getting some good live music is far more important than wedding shoes or a venue that will let you stay past 9pm… right?
View: It’s important that guests have a nice view to look out over before dinner, and good seats to watch crazy Uncle Bosley being intercepted by your mother while stripping off on his way to the beach. The view will also create a focal point and distraction from the drummer’s unusually obnoxious head.
Kitchen: Don’t forget the help. Hopefully you’ll come to realise that you can’t (shouldn’t) try and do it alone. Make sure you get someone to cook for you. After several large Bourbons, Uncle George is not that interested in helping prepare food any more. As you need to spend another 45 minutes having your photo taken, your guests are in danger of getting seriously wasted and the band hangry. Crisis averted if you’ve booked a humble caterer to cook and clean. Crisis eminent if you’re still hoping that Uncle George can safely use your ‘Matt Preston Flame Torch’ to finish the glaze on the crackling.
Drinks: If you’re going to shout all your friends and family a round, it’s best to show your generosity during happy hour. If you’re going to buy them drinks all night, then I’d recommend getting a ute, a Dan Murphy’s catalogue and a very big esky (or a very long happy hour). Your wasted and angry aunt caught Uncle Trevor dancing with your girl friends, and he has made it his mission to drink every bottle of beer on the wall. He knows he’s in deep trouble, and your mates have started feeding him rum.
If somehow you do manage to navigate this list successfully, you’ve done very well, and I hope you’ve still got two around the world flights in the budget.
Scissors, Paper, Rock are a party band based in Wollongong. You should book us for your wedding, we’re great!
